-I don't want to be immortal through my works;(I want to be immortal through not dying.. -Woody Allen
$Turn off the computer and go to bed.
6The next system crash is just a 1/60 of a second away.
3Rien ne que beau le vrai, le vrai seul est aimable.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Je cherche
comprendre.+ -Jacques Monod
!Seek simplicity, and distrust it.
God ever arithmetizes.
"Back off, buddy. I'm a scientist.
2Heisenberg may have been here
but it is uncertain.
CChess is a sea in which a gnat may drink and an elephant may bathe.
,Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.
%Great spirits have always encountered'violent opposition from mediocre minds.
FThere is always one moment when the door opens and lets the future in.
FGive me the right word and the right accent and I will move the world.' -Joseph Conrad
*A man is only as good as the tool he uses.
:The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
%Life is a journey, not a destination.
<Trifles make perfection, but perfection itself is no trifle.
>Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.
%He who rides a tiger cannot dismount.
:Consider nothing as impossible before it has come to pass.
!Don't ignore details. Lick them.
#Problems are the price of progress.
CIt is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
#Time is the devourer of all things.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
I don't wonder what you are
For by spectroscopic ken
I know that you are hydrogen."! -Author unknown
1The human animal differs from the lesser primates'in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".
3As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality,5they are not certain; and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.) - Albert Einstein
=Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
% -- Mark Twain
Weiner's Law of Libraries:-There are no answers, only cross references.
.When two people are under the influence of the*most violent, most insane, most delusive,(and most transient of passions, they are8required to swear that they will remain in that excited,"abnormal, and exhausting condition&continuously until death do them part." -- George Bernard Shaw
;"Why is that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?+Is it because we are not the one involved?"* -Mark Twain
F"Woe is the isolationist who tries to turn the cogs of his own engine
,while ignoring the machinations about him."
HIf you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
@you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
( -- Mark Twain
'Principle of Conservation of Ignorance:7A false notion once arrived at is not easily dislodged.* -- Georg Cantor
Principle of Maximum Simplicity:@Everything should be made as simple as possible--but no simpler.- -- Albert Einstein
$Principle of Dynamic Queuing Theory:#The other line always moves faster.
"Principle of State Queuing Theory:!The other line is always shorter.
#There was a young fellow named Fisk"Whose fencing was agile and brisk,
So fast was his action
The Fitzgerald contraction
Diminished his sword to a disk.
:If a thing is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
3Chess, like music, has the power to make men happy.) -- S. Tarrasch
(Men and nations will act rationally when+all other possiblities have been exhausted.
CFor every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
GIf A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
'Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
% -- Mae West
>One good reason why computers can do more work than people is
3that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
(The marvels of today's modern technology2include the development of a soda can, which when
5discarded will last forever...and a $7,000 car which
=when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
8The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,
:because the average man can see better than he can think.
<On the heights it is warmer than one thinks in the valleys.
.Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
=America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from6barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.
# -- John O'Hara
.Some men are discovered; others are found out.
#Words must be weighed, not counted.
1By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
0Your mind understands what you have been taught;
your heart, what is true.
1Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
)You shouldn't try to teach a pig to sing.*You waste your time and it annoys the pig.
0He who invents adages for others to peruse takes'along a rowboat when going on a cruise.
0Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
;The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
%To criticize the incompetent is easy;0it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
>He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
2Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Get back to work!
7One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
$Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
4Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
7Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
A woman is like a highway:$soft shoulders and dangerous curves.
-Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
*Those who can, do; those who can't, write.1Those who can't write go to the State Department.
0This Cookie is inoperative. Please try another.
>Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
=No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
+You will feel hungry again in another hour.
>The computer loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.
EMany are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.
3God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
--- or ---0Man made God; all else is the work of integers.
:He who hesitates is miles away from the next freeway exit.
(Time is nature's way of making sure that"everything doesn't happen at once.
4The future isn't what it used to be. (It never was.)
(If God had wanted you to go around nude,%He would have given you bigger hands.
;It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
DMaking predictions is always difficult, especially about the future.
JISpecial thanks go to Tom Mulligan for supplying lots and lots of Cookies.
8Your computer account is overdrawn. Please reauthorize.
.All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ignore previous Cookie.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
7A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
&Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it's the only one we've got.
AThe more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
*Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.$Those who can't teach, administrate.
;It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to&open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
.The proof is left to the student as a pudding.
-The student is in the pudding as an exercise.
%The exercise is proof of the student.
$System going down in five minutes...
System down; try again later.
!Never confuse motion for action. & -- Benjamin Franklin
%Will Rodgers never met Howard Cosell.
6WARNING -- This system is now being controlled by IBM.
(I would rather have a bottle in front of
me than a frontal lobotomy.
The pudding is in the student.! The student needs some exercise.
,Girls don't give hugs if your code has bugs.
$Random stomping seldom catches bugs.
+I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous...
,Feature: a desirable attribute of a program.,Bug: an undesireable attribute of a program
to be fixed in the near future.6Beature: an undesireable attribute of a program which
-will not be fixed no matter how hard you beg..Fug: a desirable attribute of a program which -has been repaired, thereby making a new bug.
4Computer scientists can do anything except chemistry&and accounting, and that is by choice.
#Ignorance is the ally of deception.
4Sometimes the problem isn't the high cost of living,
but the cost of high living.
@Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.
0A man of means means more than a man who's mean.
:When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains,&however improbable, must be the truth.& -- Sherlock Holmes
#Never argue with a fool. Others may#not be able to tell the difference.
?If it jams, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
(Anything that isn't nailed down is mine.+Anything I can pry loose isn't nailed down.
7The probability of the bread falling jelly-side down is0directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
>It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to hold on to his money.
6The person who can smile when something goes wrong has,obviously thought of someone to blame it on.
Sorry, this Cookie broken!
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before.
%The difference between capitalism and3socialism is that in capitalism, man exploits man,-while in socialism it's the other way around.
7One picture is worth a thousand reels of magnetic tape.
-Subtlety is the art of saying what you think,3and getting out of the way before it is understood.
&I know you believe you understand what3you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize what%you heard is not what I really meant.
)To the systems programmers, the customers$and users serve only as a test load.
(The reasonable man adapts himself to the1world as it exists; the unreasonable man persists3in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore,-all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
9Out of intense complexities, intense simplicities emerge.
<TOMORROW HAS BEEN CANCELED, DUE TO AN ERROR NOTED ELSEWHERE.
)Before they made you they broke the mold.
)A whole hog is better than no hog at all.
.Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
*To one with a hammer everything is a nail.
)Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
/Before God and the bus driver we are all equal.
3Appliances must carry energy-efficiency labels, but5so far the government doesn't require them on people.
*When a fellow says it hain't the money but*the principle o' the thing, its th' money.
,A home is the place where part of the family2waits until the others have returned with the car.
'We'd all like to vote for the best man,
but he's never a candidate.
(The man who does not read good books has)no advantage over the man who can't read.
'If it weren't for optimists, pessimists&would never know how unhappy they are.
7Vanity is quite often the greatest enemy of competence.
&Personally I am always ready to learn,,although I do not always like being taught. + -- Sir Winston Churchill
$BIT - The quantum of misinformation.
.MICROPROCESSOR - Twenty years of architectural)bungling concentrated onto a single chip.
-COMPUTER SCIENCE - A study akin to numerology/and astrology, but lacking the precision of the%former and the success of the latter.
&One incompetent manager can negate the&work of dozens of excellent engineers.
"This place is a hotbed of inertia.
%Whoever dies with the most toys wins.
.The college lecture is the process whereby the*notes of the professor become the notes of8the student without passing through the minds of either.
-I ain't met a broad yet that don't understand+a slap across the face or a slug from a 45.! -- Mike Hammer
1To beat the grass is to risk startling the snake.
.Your situation is as precarious as piled eggs.
"Too many evil deeds ruin the doer.
An easy life saps one's will.
;A dog is a dog unless he is facing you; then he is Mr. Dog.* -- Haitian Proverb
-Take care of the luxuries and the necessities
will take care of themselves.
Nuke the gay whales.
*The universe is laughing behind your back.
'If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
;Committee: an organism with 3 or more bellies and no brain.
?It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
Like winter snow on summer lawn,
time past is time gone.
"Deprive a mirror of its silver and!even the Czar won't see his face.
=Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
/You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
%How you look depends on where you go.
(Just because something is scientifically"true, doesn't mean it's not weird.
1Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
+A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is
the handle which fits them all.
=With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
8He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
3Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or*today is the last day of your life so far.
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